10.21.2010

Setting the mood-y

“Whatever stone life may sling, we can moan or we can sing…”

        Being awakened at 6 AM by a dog casting up in my bed is no… bed of roses.  Flicking on the light, I toted my dog-child to the bathroom in case he hadn’t finished his job, and proceeded to clean up what was only a minute ago a nice, clean, comfortable bed.

       Some days are just like that. Some start out rough and end rougher.  Others start out well and spiral downward.  And when days like this happen and I’ve had all I can take and am seriously considering whether I’ve got what it takes to keep on, or if God momentarily forgot His promise not to give me more than I can bear, and if He didn’t forget then is what I’m experiencing a gift from the “other” side- I stop and ask myself these questions.  Is there a roof over my head?  Am I warm?  Do I have food and water?  Am I clean?  Comfortable?  These are the fundamentals, yes, and it may sound silly, but I need to remind myself that if I have them I must be doing alright even though every cell within my body is telling me otherwise. 

        Time also, can rest heavily upon ones hands when the body cannot keep up with the mind.  So it is in my case.  And since I have so much time I usually pour myself into activities like reading novels new and old, designing houses, reading edifying blogs, or creating on Polyvore.  Those activities may sound restful and pleasurable, but too much of any one of them can give me what I call “computer brain” or exhaust me even more than I already am.  

         But I’m not one to quit in the middle of a project and so I keep at it.  And still time weighs heavily.  And I brood.  And things that wouldn’t bother me if I wasn’t ill make me morbid and emotional.  So I step back and ask myself the fundamentals again.  And I make it a point to remind myself that if I were well my mind wouldn’t feel so out of balance and crazy.  My body would be keeping up with all of the things my mind is telling it to do. 

        This morning after managing to sleep a few more hours after Winston retched in my ear I sang a song I made up.  I sang and dressed and sang and tried to make myself presentable for the day (if I look a mess, I feel worse) while my song changed with my activity.  It was a silly song about true happiness and how singing a new song and hearing your own voice raised in song will put joy in your heart.  Perhaps it’s just me, but when I’m blue I seem to gravitate toward songs that really set in such a mood.  

            “When times get rough and friends just can’t be found…”

        Truly, I love that song and consider it an inspiration of Simon and Garfunkel.  But don’t wistful songs just deepen a melancholy mood?  So instead of matching moods to music, why not compose a new one to transform the present mood to a better one?

        Doesn’t the Bible say to sing a new song?  Mine couldn’t have exactly been considered spiritual, but I think it was inspired.

        It’s the same concept as looking at your disheveled hair and grumpy face in the mirror after an especially trying day and forcing yourself to smile like a mindless ninny.  Believe it or not, it’s effective!

        Today, along with singing, I am setting the mood with scents.  Lavender, Hawaiian Coconut, Lemon Coconut, Secret Wonderland, Vanilla Bean Noel… ahhh, the fragrances change with the seasons and evoke warm fuzzies and enliven the senses to chase the moody blues away.  Mmmm...

I've got a roof over my head
I've got a warm place to sleep
Some nights I lie awake counting gifts
Instead of counting sheep
I've got a heart that can hold love
I've got a mind that can think
There may be times when I lose the light
And let my spirits sink
But I can't stay depressed
When I remember how I'm blessed

In a city of strangers
I’ve got a family of friends
No matter what rocks and brambles fill the way
I know that they will stay until the end
I feel a hand holding my hand
It's not a hand you can see
But on the road to the promised land
This hand will shepherd me
Through delight and despair
Holding tight and always there

It's not that I don't want a lot
Or hope for more, or dream of more
But giving thanks for what I've got
Makes me happier than keeping score
In a world that can bring pain
I will still take each chance
For I believe that whatever the terrain
Our feet can learn to dance
Whatever stone life may sling
We can moan or we can sing
Grateful, grateful
Truly grateful I am
Grateful, grateful
Truly blessed And duly grateful


h. rae

3 comments:

  1. Talk about writing a post that can make someone laugh and someone cry. Wow! Did you write that poem yourself? It is truly inspiring! Love you hunyi

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  2. Sniff, sniff... but cheery smiling! That was absolutely beautiful and I thought, someone out there, even besides you, needs this lovely post! You are a beautiful writer.... ;)

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  3. ya i just so happen to be crying too. Sickness has been plaguing our house for weeks. Most days i feel cursed. Just when one of us gets better- another one of us gets sick. I've also been having some episodes with my liver hurting again. When all of this happens you begin to wonder where God can be found. And the second you start praying He reminds you- He's not going anywhere. Thanks for reminding me to never lose my praise. Have you heard that song? I'm not sure who its by, but its called "I never lost my praise". You would love it. Its our lives interpreted.

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